Photo by Josh Applegate on Unsplash
When two become one, there are ways to make sure that the peaceful waters of marriage do not become turbulent. Considering where you come from can help you get to where you want to go.
Deacon Derrick: Having a harmonious marriage takes a lot of work! The biggest factor in living in agreement with your spouse starts years before you actually marry. When you marry your beloved, you also marry their family. Everyone expects their new marriage to be exactly like the household they grew up in. However, this is very rarely the case!
Mistianna: When Derrick and I got married, I was no different. I expected our new household to be exactly like it was at Momma and Daddy’s house. Which was a very open, emotional, and sharing environment; where both parents were counselors, and family members spoke openly about their lives. Everyone in my family knew everyone else’s business. Nothing was ever done behind closed doors or in secret. Unlike, Derrick’s family, where everyone was reserved, and unemotional and disputes where done behind closed doors!
Deacon Derrick: Our families were so diametrically different that I was truly shocked and let me say, even a bit mortified, when Mistianna blurted out details of a variety of personal decisions we had made the first time we had company over for dinner. But, after years of marriage, and really talking and listening to each other, we both learned a few things from each other’s families and we have come to a happy medium on how we share information and make decisions about our marriage.
Mistianna: This understanding has allowed us to be more respectful of each other and of the practices and values we each bring to our marriage from our families. When we got married, I didn’t realize that Derrick and I weren’t just joining our lives together, but we were also joining together our families. We were bringing together our families values, communication styles, conflict resolution styles, traditions, hopes and dreams for the future, emotional baggage, and love for God. Marriage isn’t only two couples joining their lives together, it’s two families marrying as well!
Deacon Derrick and Mistianna Barnes have a passion for helping couple prepare for marriage and thrive after the Sacrament has been celebrated. They have been actively involved in marriage preparation for 18 years. Currently they co-coordinate the Louisville Engaged Encounter, actively act as a Sponsor Couple, Administer and review the FOCCUS inventory and have in the past presented at the Archdiocesan Foundations of Marriage.
