Around this time last year, I was a little disappointed. I had finished one year of philosophy and two years of theology at St. Mary’s Seminary in Baltimore, Md., in formation to be a priest of the Archdiocese of Louisville. I had one more year of theology until I would be ordained a deacon, God willing, and then another year until priesthood.

I was anxious to be ordained a deacon so that I could assist at my twin brother’s wedding. I wanted to move forward toward the priesthood.

Instead of continuing my studies, however, I was assigned a pastoral year in which I spent one academic year in a parish in order to gain more pastoral experience. My assignment took me to St. Athanasius Church in Louisville with Father Terry Bradshaw, pastor.

Now, having completed my pastoral year and returned to seminary for my third year of theology, I realize how much better God’s timing is than mine. The pastoral year turned out to be a great blessing, filled with substantial experiences and many new graces. But at first it took me a while to get going.

I spent a lot of time at St. Athanasius in the office, responding to e-mail, practicing Sunday homilies with Father Bradshaw, scheduling visits to the homebound, making lesson plans and developing training programs for the servers and lectors. All of that was very helpful and important, but I wasn’t engaged in ministry: getting out of the office and spending time with the people.

Thankfully, Father Bradshaw was very patient with me and challenged me to go beyond myself, to sacrifice myself for the faithful.

His own example was the most eloquent exhortation he gave me. He was internally driven with a deep love for the souls under his care. His witness taught me a lot about myself throughout the pastoral year. And I got a very clear picture of the real demands of ministry in a large parish.

As I see it, the priesthood is not a 9-to-5 job; it is a ministry, an identity, a man’s raison d’être, his reason for being. I have always had a sense of this and have been inspired by the sacrificial aspect of the priesthood and the thought of emptying myself for the faithful and their salvation.

Nonetheless, I could all too easily succumb to the temptation to keep an empty calendar and open evenings and be fine. But then the hospitalized would go unvisited, the sick neglected, calls unmade, books unread and ministry unplanned. And the people would be unconvinced of my, or by extension Our Lord’s, love for them.

There is a voracious need, now more than ever. It is one thing to pay lip service to Christ’s self-sacrificial priesthood. It is quite another to embody and live it while maintaining joy, zeal, vitality, and prayer and avoiding aridity and bitterness. This was the distinct challenge posed to me.

Through God’s mercy and grace, increased self-knowledge and prayer, I was able to rise to that challenge more and more. I started to engage the parishioners more in my various duties. Monthly meetings with a group of faithful pillars in the parish provided valuable feedback from a lay perspective, along with prayer, support and friendship. I grew in confidence and was warmly embraced and supported by the parishioners of St. Athanasius.

In their positive response, God helped me to see that I had much to offer. And the joy he gave me in ministering to them led to my growing in love for them.

After all, to each of the faithful I will one day be a spiritual father — teaching, sanctifying, leading and begetting spiritual children.

“Show us the Father and we shall be satisfied” (John 14:8) is the cry of the church. And God’s answer is me. Not in the sense that I’m “God’s gift to the church,” but Christ’s priesthood is. And I am very humbled and challenged by the thought of one day sharing in that identity.

Perhaps St. John Vianney would add, “There are no two good ways of serving God. There is only one: Serve him as he desires to be served.” Or, “the priest is not a priest for himself, he is a priest for (others).” These words of his are from the Holy Father’s letter proclaiming this year as a Year for Priests.

Let us pray with the Holy Father that the most Holy Virgin will awaken in the hearts of Louisville’s seminarians and priests “a generous and renewed commitment to the ideal of complete self-oblation to Christ and the church which inspired the thoughts and actions of the saintly Curé of Ars.”

Please pray that during this year we will establish with Mary’s help a “fervent prayer life and impassioned love of Christ crucified.” And as I look forward to being ordained a deacon on April 24, 2010, please pray that I increase in “faith in the Divine Master (who) gives us the strength to look to the future with confidence.”