Commitment

By Reverend J. Ronald Knott

"No one who sets a hand to the plow and looks back to what was left behind is fit for the Kingdom of God." —Luke 9

As a priest, the grass sometimes looks a whole lot greener on the other side of the fence! The temptation usually passes, but I am very aware that 7 out of the 12 who were ordained with me made the decision to cross the fence permanently: they resigned from active ministry as priests. I do not judge them for doing what they felt they needed to do; I am certainly not superior to any of them; but I do have a bone to pick with those who wrote long public letters blaming the church for their decisions! I knew what I was getting into, and so did they. The seminary explained it to us on a daily basis, for 12 years for most of us, even making us write out our commitments in longhand right before ordination, saying we were making a free choice, in order to make sure that we understood what we were doing.

I hope I never have to face such a decision. I work hard to try to prevent it, but I am certainly not going to stand up here and brag that it could never happen to me. No one can know for sure what they might do tomorrow, but I have made a pact with a priest friend of mine. I told him that if I were ever tempted to write such a resignation letter, even if he had to cut off my hands, he should not allow me to write a letter blaming anyone but myself for the decision to change courses.

Today we have some biblical teaching about making commitments. In the first reading today, from the first Book of Kings, we read about the call of Elisha, the prophet. When called, he answered immediately, burning his bridges behind him by killing his oxen (his only source of income) and burning his wooden plow as fuel to cook them. In the gospel reading today, Jesus is approached by three would-be followers.

The first, overcome with enthusiasm, brags about what he will do for Jesus, even before he realizes what is involved. To him Jesus says, "Whoa! holdup! Count the cost before making such a commitment to see if you have what it takes to keep it!"

The second would-be follower stalls. He promises to follow Jesus someday in the future after he finishes up with a few other things first. Jesus tells him to strike while the iron is hot or he will always find excuses to avoid making the commitment.

The third promises to follow Jesus, but leaves part of his heart in the past. To him Jesus says, "Either get in or get out! I don't want half-hearted dedication!" As a priest, I have seen all three types of commitment.

Like the first would-be follower of Jesus, who jumped in and made a commitment without having the ability to follow through, every priest I know has been pressured, shamed and manipulated into performing marriages for people who barely knew each other and who cannot keep the simplest promise, even something as simple as showing up for an appointment or making two car payments in a row! Every priest knows the pain of being caught between the teaching of the church on the permanence of marriage and people who do not have any of the skills or abilities to keep a marriage commitment.

I especially remember one of the two or three people I have flat-out refused to marry. She was a good friend of mine and she was going with a man with whom she argued and fought all the time. They wanted to get married in hopes that it would cure the problem. Failing to talk her out of it, I refused to be part of it. She quit speaking to me and went to the local Lutheran Church, where no questions were asked, and got married right away. The marriage lasted 6 weeks! Many young people squeal and howl over the Catholic Church's mandatory six-month marriage preparation period as if it is cruel and unusual punishment to make sure they not only know how to plan a wedding but, more importantly, to also see if they have what it takes to stay married. In light of an almost 60% divorce rate, I still don't think it is too much to ask. Six months preparing for a lifetime of marriage is nothing — it takes a minimum of 6 years of observation before a seminarian can be ordained! As Jesus put it to the first would-be disciple: many people can make commitments, but very few can keep them.

Rather than making a rash commitment that he couldn't keep, the second would-be follower of Jesus could not get around to making a commitment. As a priest who has spent a lot of time with young adults, it seems that I keep coming across young adults, usually moving into their mid 30s or early 40s, who seem to be unable to commit to anything or anybody. They cannot keep a job or a relationship or a promise or even a major in college. They seem to be paralyzed in face of so many options. They are like the second would-be follower of Jesus, who promised to get around to making a commitment someday. Their excuse is that they are waiting for the perfect job, the perfect relationship or the perfect moment. They remind me of that old Sufi story about a man who searched and searched for the perfect woman. When he finally found her, he did not marry her. When his friends asked why he didn't marry the perfect woman, he had to admit that it didn't work out because, unfortunately, she was looking for the perfect man!

The fact is: there are no perfect people, no perfect times, no perfect jobs. Perpetual stalling in the face of making a commitment is a perfect way of avoiding healthy responsibility. They keep their options open till they have no options left. The most common of the would-be disciples of Jesus are those who make half-hearted commitments. They are the married people with the roaming eye and the cheating heart, "being married and acting single" as the old country song puts it. They are the priests who spend more time planning their next vacation, their next day off or even their retirement, than doing their priestly work. They are the parents who bring children into the world and then neglect parenting them, shoving them off on their parents, grandparents or some social service agency. They are the parishioners who sign up and never show up, except when they need baptisms, weddings and funerals. They are those who make a serious public commitment and then second-guess that commitment for the rest of their lives. When it comes to a commitment, they are the ones who are neither "in" nor "out," neither hot nor cold, neither here nor there: choosing what serves them today, masters of the latest best offer!

And, yes, there are those like Elisha, the prophet, who when called, have answered immediately, burned their bridges and never looked back! I have known many of them, people who have remained faithful in word and deed their whole lives long! I think of the 50, 60 and 75-year wedding anniversaries that I have celebrated with some wonderful old couples, faithful through thick and thin, who are still happy at it! I think of Msgr. Horrigan, who helped found this college, and Bishop Maloney, who confirmed me in the 6th grade — now in their senior years, men who have served the church loyally with incredible grace, wit and wisdom, in good times and in bad, for more years than many of us have seen! I think of those who are heroically committed to wait on special needs children and elderly parents, without complaint and without resentment. They may not consider themselves heroes, but I do. They help me know that fidelity is not only possible, but fidelity has its own reward. I want to be like them. I have said it before, and I'll say it again. Now that I have committed to being a priest, I want to stay a priest, no matter what happens or fails to happen in the church. With God's help, I hope someday to be the happiest old fart in the old priests home. After that I hope to be buried under a small tombstone that reads, Ronald Knott, a priest forever!

May all of us who have made commitments, with God's help, keep them and be happy doing it. Amen!